By: Kristen Eriksen
One of the best qualities that my mother gave me is the ability to see things through a pair of her “rose-colored glasses”. I find 
that it is best to try to see the good in any problem or obstacle. Sometimes, however, I need to take them off and see the reality of life. That, I think, I got from my dad.
With the glasses on, I picture my twins as best buddies, who get along and share. Just about every time I talk about my twins, however, I mention that they are polar opposites. This used to surprise me, but now I am just used to it. I could go on forever, but will just give a few examples:
- Ben eats fast and furiously, and Charlotte eats slowly and carefully. When they were babies and I first gave them Cheerios, Ben shoved a handful in his mouth while Charlotte took a bite of one Cheerio. When given cookies/snacks, B eats them fast, and wants more, while C will take a couple bites and then wants to save the rest for later.
- One child will eat more of the veggies, while the other eats more of the starch at every dinner……every time. I should just have them share one plate! I really should take a picture of their plates when I am doing the dinner dishes.
- Ben is athletic and loves trucks and active, outdoor play while Charlotte loves quiet indoor play, books and babies. I know this is kind of typical boy vs girl, but it has always been the way with my twins.
- Ben loves cuddles and hugs, and Charlotte does not.
- Ben tends to be dependent on adult help and support, while Charlotte is fiercely independent, even if she needs help.
- Ben has trouble falling asleep, and chats, moans and groans, and moves around often to get to sleep, while Charlotte likes calm and quiet and will then just fall asleep.
- Ben does not like to be alone, while Charlotte needs her own space.
Two important things that I am aware of in raising twins is the need for them both to learn cooperation and the need for them to have their own identity. They need to learn how to share and negotiate with each other, but they also need to be their own person.
It is in this light that their bedroom situation became an issue. A fellow “mom of twins” friend of mine kept her twins in the same room for a long time, which she recommended to us. We have kept them together in one room, but have debated separate bedrooms for a while now. Keeping them together has meant we have a playroom upstairs, and no toys in their bedroom. As the twins have gotten older, however, it has become more apparent that my girl needs her own space. She needs alone time when Ben is “irritating” and when she is looking for solace and quiet. As I mentioned, Ben does not like to be alone, so he has been very opposed to separate rooms for a long time. We talked up having privacy, and space. He was not interested. When we talked about being able to have his own room to decorate and put his favorite things in, he started to think more about it. I started to hear him say “I don’t have many boy things in my room.” We were sparking some interest! Santa gave him a Spiderman clock, and then he was definitely interested!
So last week, we (well, really my husband) moved Ben’s bed into the old playroom. We split toys up into each room. I had to work on the first two nights that they had separate rooms, and thought this could mean two miserable nights for Paul. However, it has gone surprisingly smoothly! They are both loving their space and privacy!
My sister and her two children came over during school vacation with some decorations and suggestions for making this separate bedroom thing special. It was so cute, especially since it was their idea (they are 7 and 9 years old!) They made signs, pictures and a list of rules.
Both of the twins (but most especially my sweet, emotional, quiet-seeking baby girl) have a place for some very much needed “alone time.” We are all happy about this change.
I have seen Facebook posts with children wearing a “work it out” extra large t-shirt (two children in one t-shirt, having to learn to cooperate). I think I have spent 5 years struggling with my opposite twins in one t-shirt. Now, they get to wear their own shirt, so to speak, and it is working out really well for them, well, for all of us. I guess in this case, reality may have helped me to have my kids get along better, so I can put my rose colored glasses back on!
P.S. Charlotte claims that she missed Ben!
